If ya can't say something nice...then don't say nothin' at all" ~Thumper

Welp...I just had my 3rd chemo session yesterday. 3 down, 5 more to go! I actually have one more AC to go, and then start a new round (4 doses) with Taxol (and Herceptin). I will continue to get Herceptin for a year (I will go in to get an IV every 3 weeks), so I won't technically be completely done with "chemo" for a year...BUT the toughest part will (presumably) be done June 7th (my last chemo appt, as long as everything stays on schedule)!!!

As many of you have noticed, I haven't updated the blog in a while. Sorry about that. Truth is, I didn't have anything nice to say. (Ya see what Thumper said up there ^ ??). I have since had 2 additional chemo treatments, and they have left me quite exhausted, and still nauseated. I was not as sick (no vomiting) since after the 1st treatment though. There were moments where I barely held it together. I have continued to work part time (my regular hours, 3 days a week). The first couple days back at work after chemo, are tough. I tire more easily, I am not able to go at my regular speed (which I would approximate at about 200 mph, but I get the job done, and I am grateful to be working). I am also grateful that I only work 3 days a week. Kuddos to the other fighters out there who have worked full time. Hats off to you!

Since we last talked, I attended the "Look Good Feel Better" workshop/class locally. http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org/  I took the day off of work so that I could attend. I still had my pixie haircut at that point, so I think the other gals in the class were confused. One finally asked me if I was in recovery, hadn't started treatment, or what? I clarified that I had 1 treatment at that time, and was waiting until I HAD to shave my head (which was to come about 1 week from that day actually). I was definitely the youngest gal in the group (I am getting used to that now). They have some donated wigs available (mostly geared to the geriatric crowd, although I took a "mom-bob" one home with me...hey - the price can't be beat! I took home a hat and a couple of scarves too.
They give you a makeup case filled with new makeup (which is nice because I am not supposed to use my regular pre-chemo makeup (any bacteria can manifest into something ugly with someone with a suppressed immune system). Have you heard that I work in a hospital and have 2 small children at home?!? LOL
Every time someone is near me and sneezes, I hold my breath (sometimes I wave furiously in front of myself as if that is some sort of defense against their cooties). I wonder how much time in the day I am holding my breath. I bet my lungs are getting really strong from it all.
You know that movie from back in the day "The boy in a plastic bubble"?  I've decided I need one of those. Wondering if John is done with his...


I took the big leap and had the hubby shave my head a couple weeks ago...into a Mohawk. It was falling out all over the place, and getting all around annoying. I was sad that the Mohawk didn't last very long. The girlies thought it looked cool. I had to shave my head completely bald a few days later. RIP Mohawk. Your badassedness lives on...

I had gone with my friend Joanie, wig shopping the day of my "Look good feel better" class. That was pretty much a disaster. I went to a local place (I won't name it, because I am hoping that she is deep down a really nice person who was having a bad day, maybe her dog died and she was in an all around miserable mood that day...yeah...that would make me feel better). Well, I did try on a few wigs, one I would have ordered (which would have been over $700 cash!), had the lady that owned the place been nicer to my friend and I while we were there. I was hoping that this was going to be a fun outing, where I could try on wigs, take pics (to post on this blog! :( She said "No pictures, these are one of a kind wigs!" (as if we were going to go and copy her design and make our own wig??), My friend touched a wig, and she barked "no man-handling the wigs" (and then talked about how the oils from our hands could soil the wigs). Blah blah blah. The point is there is a NICE way to say just about anything. This lady obviously was not versed in how to nicely say things. There are many other barking comments that I will omit. Bummer that the wig outing was, well a bummer. My friend and I went to a yummy crepes lunch afterwards, so it wasn't a total bust! :)
It's weird how having no hair now, changes SO MUCH. I LOOK like a patient now, that's for sure. there is no denying that I look like a sick person. Although I have yet to go out in all my bald glory. It is Michigan, after all - and it has been flippin' cold here. Hair is a great insulator, and not having it, is...Brrrrrrrr. I have been wearing a scarf on my head whenever I go out (usually a hat underneath too). Being bald has its benefits, and drawbacks. I get THE STARES. The stares range from "Oh, you poor thing honey" (I call that the "puppy dog face" looks), to those of confusion (and they want to ask SOOOO BAD...but they don't). Then there are those people who do the opposite of staring at me. They pretend I am not even there, they ignore me, or they think that if they look directly at me I might TURN THEM TO STONE!!!! LOL. I'm like Medusa.
I am really tempted to walk up to these people and say "HI, I'm here too!!!!", touch them somehow...see if they jump. Or whip off the scarf on my head and yell "BOO!"
Being bald is a real showstopper. Most people want to SEE IT, but they don't want to ask to see it. So, when they elude to it...I have just whipped off my scarf to let them see. LOL. You'd think I just dropped my towel fresh out of the shower. People go silent, sometimes they stutter...it. is. hilarious. I definitely do feel more naked. So I can see why maybe they would see it as a sort of intrusion? I dunno. This whole thing is weird. But, it's my life. And, at least I have a life, weird or not. So, for that I am thankful. I'm also thankful for the amount of $ I'll be saving on shampoo and hair products. It has also cut down on the amount of time to get ready in the morning - record timing now!

Chemo...dun dun dun.

Well, as I sit here the morning after my first treatment, I figured I would let you guys in on how it all went down. I'm fighting back the "queasies" as we speak. I can't decide if eating breakfast is a good idea, or a very bad idea...
So...yesterday:
I arrived at the hospital (hubby drove), around 8:30am. Blood labs were drawn (to check my blood counts, etc. to see if I was fit for chemo and surgery). Then we proceeded to an appointment with my medical oncologist (NP). She checked me out, talked with me and asked us about any questions that we had. She also went over the blood tests, and found that my blood sugar was a bit low (probably because I couldn't eat or drink anything after 6am). We then headed to the skills lab, where they went over how to give myself (or how hubby could give) injections. The nurse was really nice, and hubby felt like he could mess with her (joke). She asked us if we had any difficulty seeing or hearing, and hubby responded with "pardon me?" and "I'm sorry", as if he couldn't hear her. Har har har. It is nice to have him around to lighten the mood sometimes. She had this little practice skin thingy where she would demonstrate how to give the injection. Well, I guess the syringe that they had been using was older and had a little bend on the very end. So when she was showing how "easily" to take out the needed, the needle got caught on the "skin" of the practice thingy, and wouldn't let go! It made a little hole in it, because it was caught! The nurse was mortified, although she laughed a long with us for a while. She was thankful I wasn't one of those people who were terrified of needles or she would have had to pick me up off the floor! Hubby and I carried on about that for a while.
Next, I went to my port surgery. I vainly asked the surgeon, if he would put the incision in a place that wasn't as visible if possible. Having the scar as a constant reminder of this chemo every time I look in the mirror, I could do without! He said he'd do what he could, and try and have the scar more lateral (to the side), but he had to place it higher then usual, because of my expanders. The surgery itself pretty much went off without a hitch. I was awake the whole time (they gave me some twilight meds, that were supposed to make me really sleepy, but didn't). They did make me not care too much about the fact that they were cutting me, so all in all - not bad. I was numb for a bit afterwards.
Then...it was time to report to chemo-land. We signed in, they traded my surgery bracelet for a new one and had us take a seat. We waited for quite a while (maybe 45 minutes or so?) before they called me back. Well, they didn't take me to the normal chemo area, because I heard there was some kind of "spill" the day prior, and they were fixing the place up. They took me to another area a floor down. Immediately when I walked in, I felt out of place -it was eerily quiet. There were probably around 8-10 other folks getting chemo here, sitting in their recliners, with their significant others next to them. Some of them were napping, some watching TV. What I noticed right away is that these folks were all significantly older than I was. And a wave of..."damn-it, this isn't fair" came over me. I even had a few people that day tell me that I looked too healthy and too young to be there. I agreed. But I am here. So...here we go.
The nurse took me to my very own recliner, got me a warm blanket and asked me if I wanted a drink. I asked for some water (I should have brought my water bottle that my sister-in-law Erin bought for me. It says "Fight like a Girl". Next time, I'll remember. My port was left with these little tubes sticking out of it (since I had surgery prior, they left the access open). The nurse started an IV in my tube, and ran that for a while. Then she asked me if I felt I needed some Ativan (a relaxant, but is also supposed to help with nausea), I told her to go ahead with the Ativan. She told me that it may make me sleepy, and I was cool with that. She then put the steroids in it, and some other anti-nausea meds. Then...in came the red devil - Adriamycin. (The "A" part of my "AC" chemo cocktail, I believe). There are 3 or 4 viles that they push through with a syringe). Notice how my nurse is dressed up like a member of the hazmat team? I kind of felt like...Ummmmm...where is my protective equipment?!?

 

 

Next came the Cytoxan portion of the cocktail. It is just administered through an IV bag. It takes about an hour to run though. See that bag hanging on the IV pole behind my bed...there that bitch is. Flip her off for me, will ya? Makes me smile thinking of random readers of the blog flipping off their screen. :)

 

My port site was beginning to become painful just about as the end of my treatment was nearing. I told Adam, and he asked the nurse for something for my pain. They had to get an order for the doc before they would give me anything. We were thinking they could just put something in my IV. Nope, they brought me over a couple of "Norco" (kind of like Vicodin) pills. I took them, hoping they would help, and not cause me nausea. I figured they would be fine, as I had a couple of anti-nausea meds on board (in my IV) already as part of the chemo routine.

They dismissed us, and we drove home. I was feeling a bit queasy, but nothing all that out of the ordinary. I wondered if it was because of the chemo, the drive home (and I had been checking into facebook while hubby drove - I am not one of these people who can read in the car). We got caught in traffic, so the ride was a bit longer then planned. We had to stop for gas and I told the hubby to get me a ginger ale or Vernors or something.

**WARNING TO THOSE WHO GET QUEASY EASILY...STOP READING NOW**

As he went into the store, I couldn't hold back the waves of nausea any longer. I opened up the car door and vomited a couple of times. (I apologize into the universe to those who happened upon my "mess"). We stopped at Olive Garden to get some take out (as I thought maybe something mild like pasta and soup would have been tolerable - and I needed to eat something). Then we were on the road again. I had to have hubby stop another time on the side of the road prior to arriving home, so I could get sick. Hubby was on the phone talking to our little girls as this was happening (Hubby's brother and his wife asked to take the girls for the weekend - so nice!) I was thankful that they didn't have to see me so sick. I barely held myself together as I talked to them on the phone to say goodnight.

We arrived home. I ate some of the soup, and a bread stick...then got sick again...a few times. UGH. I took another Ativan, thinking maybe it would help, and maybe make me sleepy too. I didn't feel like it was helping much.

I decided that I would call it a night, and went to bed. I didn't sleep all that great, but that is not all due to the chemo, I am still uncomfortable from the surgery (and expanders), so it is hard to get comfortable.