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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

PINKtober!

Today is October 1st. The beginning of PINKtober, or breast cancer awareness month. I thought this was as good a time as any to make a new blog post.
Hi there, it's been a while! Miss me?
Let me start by telling you my feelings about PINKtober (or the marketing of "breast cancer awareness month", and thus the PINK-ing of just about EVERYTHING).
First of all, I feel as though most people have their hearts in the right place. Some people are genuinely interested in promoting breast cancer awareness, or are donating a good portion of the proceeds from their pink-colored product to help the cause in some way. People buy these products to help the cause as well, or because they support someone who is (or was) fighting the disease. I have to admit, I purchased my share of pink ribbon items too! When I think about why I bought those items, I can think of a few reasons. For one, it is a way that I identify myself now. The same way that someone would buy a college sweatshirt, and wear it with pride. Part of me thinks, "breast cancer...been there, done that, got the t-shirt too!" (Hey - I should totally market that!!)
Wearing pink ribbon items (especially when I was bald) was a way to field the question that many people were thinking when they looked at me ("Hey, she looks like she has cancer...I wonder what kind...Oh, look a pink ribbon! That answers that!").
I also wear the pink ribbon as a way to show other survivors/fighters that "I did it, and so can you!" There is a strange sisterhood that you join (like a really warped sorority), when you are diagnosed with breast cancer (not to forget the men that have been diagnosed with breast cancer too...a shout out to my breast cancer fellas!) I can't tell you how many survivors have said something to the likes of "Hey, welcome to the club we never wanted to join!" after hearing about my diagnosis. Wearing that pink ribbon stuff lets others know "Hey, I'm in the club too!"... It's even better than a secret handshake. After I was done with my Herceptin infusions, I put a pink ribbon "Survivor" sticker on my car. I wouldn't call myself a survivor until I was done, and not until after my port was removed. Not until then, did I think it was real...that I HAD really made it, and maybe I was going to be OK after all.
The part about PINKtober that I take issue with, is when companies market products (especially products that are known to contribute to/cause cancer!), making them pink just to make a buck. Or they say they are donating "a portion of the proceeds" to the cause, when in fact it is less than 1% or something like that. It kind of irks me that we are still calling this breast cancer "awareness" month - I mean, I think we are all AWARE of breast cancer at this point, aren't we?!?. You'd have to live under a rock not to see all of the pink everywhere. You have to admit, breast cancer is probably the most "advertised" cancer of them all, it's sexy even! Hell, it's PINK. Part of me feels kind of special for all of the attention to "my" disease. Part of me also feels terrible that other cancers don't get near the attention that breast cancer does (shout out to all of my other cancer fighters out there! I haven't forgotten about you!).



So...me? A lot has changed since I wrote my last blog entry. For one, I have hair now! I have even gotten (grammar?) a couple of hair CUTS. As I mentioned, I had my last infusion of Herceptin, and had my port removed (whoop whoop!). It seems weird to be done with all of that. I don't feel like I can relax though, and I hope that feeling subsides. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am still dealing with some lasting effects from my treatment. My neuropathy is worse, but I am still able to function. I have come to terms with the fact that it is probably permanent at this point. I am still dealing with some heart issues (I see my cardiologist tomorrow actually), and I get echocardiograms every few months to keep monitoring things, and I am still taking heart medication. I still take Tamoxifen, and will probably for the next few years or so. I still get tired easily, and don't have the endurance that I used to have. I have pains in my joints, etc. that make me walk like a senior citizen sometimes. Blah blah blah...I am done complaining. I do want you to know what my experience is like, but I don't want to whine all "woe is me" either. Because, my life is good - and I really am grateful to be able to sit here and bitch to you all.  (I bet you are too) :)
I have since had a couple more friends go through cancer treatment as well. I am so happy that I was able to be a sounding board for them, being someone that had been there (at least in some way), and could relate in a way that not many others could. It almost makes all that I went through worth it - almost. ;)
I have thought more recently about going to a support group. I am still undecided. I know that there are some real emotional issues that come along with being a "survivor", and it would probably be best to work through some things. Most days, I want to just carry on and try and pretend it didn't even happen. Yeah...that's totally healthy, right? No unresolved issues there!

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