Bye Bye Boobies...

So, my double mastectomy is scheduled for 2 days from right now. It is a bittersweet feeling. Knowing that I am actually DOING something to begin this fight, is a relief. I have been waiting for almost 2 months for this battle, and I am ready (I think). This cancer is a very unwelcome visitor in my "home", and it is time for it to GO. I am also very sad to have to say good bye to my breasts. This may sound like a totally vain and frivolous comment to make - but I WILL miss them. As much as the hubby tries to down-play the loss of (or importance of) my breasts, I know that he will miss them too. They have served me well these 37 years. Damn it, I had nice boobs!
(This would be a fantastic place to put one of those moving, slow motion, flash back sequences, set to music - of course...)
They have been a nuisance at times, an attention getter (sometimes whether I intended them to be or not), a confidence booster, a source of entertainment to friends and the hubby ;), a nice warm pillow for my children to lay their heads when they are sleepy or sick, a source of nourishment and facilitator to the bonding experience for my babies. I get teary thinking about how I will never again have the opportunity to breastfeed a baby again. Not that I intended to have another child (because, I think I am GOOD). But, to have that choice forever taken away now...it gets me really emotional.
I had seen other women having "going away" parties for their breasts just prior to having their mastectomy, and this sounded like something right up my alley. I told the hubby that I wanted to have a get together before the "big day". So, he and my besties got together and planned something for me. We had my "Bye-Bye Boobies" party a couple of days ago. It was a sweet, wonderful, zany and completely off-color way to say "bon voyage" to "the girls". The night was full of laughter, a really pretty (and yummy) boob cake, boob balloons, boob cake pops. My friend Joanie even made a boob-beanie that she wore on her head for most of the night (I may have worn it a time or too myself...but my memory may be a tad fuzzy from that night ;)). My friends Suzy and Joanie walked around selling 50/50 raffle tickets too (provided some of the finest entertainment around, at the same time).

They were nice boobies, amiright?

 <---Boob beanie

 

I got some beautiful flowers from our friends John & Shawn, a wonderful card (rosary and prayer card from Gwen), a robe from Katie, a bottle of wine from Meg, cards from a couple more friends (some with donations for my family included). A few strangers wandered down to the room, not realizing that is was a private party, seeing the boob balloons and signs saying "Bye-Bye Boobies!" and asked what the story was...I told them what the party was all about, and they instantly reached in their pockets and gave me $150! I had never even met them, and they were so generous. One of the women took me aside and talked to me briefly and asked me if I had read the book "The Secret". I told her that I had read that book, and thought the philosophy behind the book was wonderful. She stared me right in the eyes and said "You are going to be fine. I know this". I don't remember all that she said to me, but it brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes people come into your life and say (or do) things that take you by surprise, but somehow - you just FEEL like that moment MEANT SOMETHING. I have had a few moments like that lately. (I had a moment like that in the bathroom with my friend Lisa too, earlier that night). Whether it is some kind of divine intervention, a testament to how sappy, sensitive and empathetic I can be - I don't know. Sometimes things happen that you simply cannot explain. I won't even try to. Whether you are a "believer" or not...I have to say - I know that angels are out there. I believe that they can come in many forms, and it doesn't have to be the kind of angel "descended from heaven" like you see in the movies or something. Sometimes people come into your life, and profoundly affect you in a moment...a moment. Maybe they make you take a closer look at yourself, teach you a lesson, etc. I am thankful to have those moments and I am grateful for all of the angels in my life.
Don't you just love how I can start a post talking about boobs and end it talking about angels? I am very versatile like that.

Exploring Alternative Treatments

For those that don't know me, you may not know this about me - but...I consider myself "semi-crunchy" in my philosophy about many things in my life. I dabble in homeopathy (I am not against Western medicine, but I don't like using traditional "drugs" if I can avoid them). I care about what I eat and about what I feed my family (I try to make home made food for my family as much as possible, with basic ingredients that your Great Grandma would recognize!). I breast fed both of my kids for a year. I made home made baby food. I cloth diapered. I try to avoid toxic chemicals in my home (I make a lot of my own cleansers, for example) and in my food (I eat organic a lot of the time, I love to garden/grow my own food, I avoid processed foods, I have pet chickens who lay fresh eggs, I try to avoid putting excess chemicals on my body in the form of personal care products). I try to limit the amount of plastics that I use, and how I use them. ETC...we could be here all day folks. LOL
So, finding out that I have cancer...seemed, first of all - unfair. Second, just plain mean. I have another "crunchy" friend who also went through breast cancer treatment. She told me when her brother found out that SHE had cancer, he said "If you got cancer, then the rest of us are DOOMED" (or something to that effect). That kind of gave me a chuckle. Because I have heard similar things from those that know me as well. Sometimes if you think you are doing everything right...you still get it (isn't that comforting?!?). That's one reason that I have to believe that there is a REASON that this is happening. There just has to be.

I have a tendency to explore alternative treatments for just about everything, prior to using "traditional" Western medicine. Of course, I looked into the types of alternative (or simultaneous) treatments that could be used for breast cancer. This ranged from things that claimed to "cure" cancer cells, or "stop the spread" of cancer cells, things used for pain or nausea management (as the result of traditional cancer treatments (surgery, radiation, chemotherapy), and ways to keep healthy while undergoing treatment (to battle some side effects of traditional treatments, etc.). I thought I would create a post about some of the different treatments that I have found while doing my "research". I have had MANY people send me messages or talk to me about "things I should be taking, doing, etc." So, some of those I will list as well. Now, keep in mind - I am not a doctor. I do not claim that ANY of these things actually work, or if they DO work, to what extent. I have no idea. I think many of them are perhaps worth looking into, and, hey...if it can't hurt...
**A side note: Even though I have explored these "alternative treatments", I have decided that I am going to go along with my prescribed "traditional" treatment by my oncology team. I prefer a more holistic approach, so I will do my best to balance the two. They, after all ARE the experts. You know, if I were surrounded by people who had been "cured" from cancer by ONLY using natural/alternative treatments, I may be singing a different tune altogether. And, hey...maybe some day we will!
A friend of mine said something really profound (I can't remember if I mentioned it in another post, if I did - just pretend I didn't, K?). I was asking her if she explored any alternative treatments for her cancer, instead of automatically taking the Dr.'s recommendation for chemo. I mean, I have a hard time taking REGULAR meds, or exposing myself to chemicals of any sort. With chemo, I would be injecting POISON directly into my veins. Poison that will kill the cells in my body, will make my hair fall out, will kill my immune system, will probably make me really sick, could cause a heart condition (or other lovely side effects). It's not an easy "pill to swallow" (excuse the pun).
But, what my friend said that really stuck with me, was "Do you know the number one side effect of chemo?...It's LIFE."
Whoa. That was all I needed to hear. Although, if I could somehow make my body stronger, better able to cope with the surgery, chemo, etc. I was going to do that. If I could also try to slow the progression of the disease (or stop this cancer from spreading, even a little bit), then I had to at least give the "alternative treatments" a fair shot. This became even more important to me because I was having to wait for a while before my surgery...doing NOTHING else. I am not one to lie down and do nothing, in any situation. I am fighting for my life here, and lying down is not the best position for a fight after all. My gloves are on.   Bring. It.

Alternative Treatment Ideas  (As I have more time, and hear of more, I will continue to update this list - feel free to comment and add your own ideas too!)

Supplements & food - Getting the body in prime shape is important when you are going into battle. Getting the immune system as strong as possible is one important factor. Eating healthy is important. Drinking LOTS of water is key. It flushes toxins out of the body, nourishes the cells, all kinds of good stuff! There is something called "ionized water" out there (Kangen is one brand). The idea behind this is that cancer thrives in an acidic environment. Making your body more alkaline could possibly combat this. They sell ionizing water bottles on Amazon (I thought of getting one, haven't yet though), a local health food store near me has a machine that makes tap water more alkaline, and I have bought some of the water from them (I need to bring back the glass jug to get refilled for a couple of bucks).
Avoiding bad food (processed, junk food, fried stuff, SUGAR) is another tool. Turns out, cancer just LOVES sugar. I am not one to eat a ton of regular sugar even before cancer. I have tried to use healthier forms of sweeteners (honey especially, whenever possible). Eating lots of fruit and veggies (organic if they are part of the "dirty dozen"), especially foods that are high in antioxidants. Things such as berries, mangosteen, flax, nuts (esp. almonds and walnuts), cocao (yes, that's chocolate! - but you have to find some without so much sugar, and dark is best). Oh, and did I mention WINE? Seriously, it's a scientific fact. ;)
Broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower have a chemical component called indole-3-carbinol that can combat breast cancer by converting a cancer-promoting estrogen into a more protective variety. Kale has indoles, nitrogen compounds which may help stop the conversion of certain lesions to cancerous cells in estrogen-sensitive tissues. Seaweed and other sea vegetables contain beta-carotene, protein, vitamin B12, fiber, and chlorophyll, as well as chlorophylones–important fatty acids that may help in the fight against breast cancer. Sweet potatoes contain many anticancer properties, including beta-carotene, which may protect DNA in the cell nucleus from cancer-causing chemicals outside the nuclear membrane. Others mentioned are carrots, avocados, grapes, mushrooms, chili peppers, oranges and lemons. Some spices are wonderful for their cancer-fighting properties as well - garlic, rosemary, turmeric are among the best. Green tea is great too.
(I found some of the above info at: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/27-top-cancer-fighting-foods.html)
Additional supplements: WOW - there are a ton. I caution anyone who is thinking of taking supplements to check with their doc, nutritionist, naturopath, etc. These supplements can be very concentrated, and some have precautions that you need to be aware of prior to taking (or mixing and matching). I also found that you have to be careful when taking certain supplements prior to surgery (as they have a blood thinning effect and can make you "extra bleedy" (yes, I made that up) during an operation. Other supplements should not be used while getting chemo, because they can block the chemo from doing its job most effectively. Things like antioxidants, which are typically a good thing, are NOT while having chemo.
SOME of the supplements that I have heard about (at least a few times):
Probiotics. These are the good bugs, needed for a healthy immune system. Plain and simple - they are good. Go and get your self some.
Reishi Mushroom and Coriolus PSP from the brand "Mushroom Science": anti-tumor properties.

Flora Flor-Essence: detox blood lymph

Pure Essence Breast-D: breast tissue restoration anti-tumor
Cat's Claw: anti-tumor
Quality of Life Kinoko Gold AHCC: anti-tumor increases white blood cells and NK cells
Enzymatic Therapy IP-6 & Inositol: Boosts NK cell activity
Europharma Tumeric Curamed 750mg: anti-tumor chemo-protective
Astragalus Supreme: helps immune system
Hoxsey Red Clover
Caisse's Tea (an herbal detox tea)
N-A-C Sustain: antioxidant, supports liver and lung function
Soursop (also called graviola): A fruit, grown in very warm regions, but can be found in pill form. It states it has the ability to target the damaged cells and kill them causing a balance in the cycle of cell growth and development. Side effects that I have seen are the possible development of a movement disorder (perhaps in higher quantities?).

Medical Marijuana. Yep, I said it. Interesting how this plant can often stir up emotions in people so readily. BUT, I can't NOT mention it. As it has been mentioned to me OFTEN since my diagnosis. "Hey, do you smoke? - cause you should look into medical marijuana" or "Hey, you should get your medical marijuana card. With cancer, you're a shoe in!...Hey, there are not many perks to having cancer - this is one of them!"
Medical marijuana is often used as a pain reliever for folks who have pain associated with cancer and cancer treatment. Sometimes, people have a reaction to traditional pain meds (nausea, vomiting), and MM (that's Medical Marijuana to those "in the know") does not have those side effects. I have heard it is also an effective anti-nausea med and can assist with appetite issues for those that are not able to eat appropriately due to cancer or cancer treatment (the munchies!! - Ha, makes sense). I think there is such a stigma for this particular "alternative treatment", partly because many folks think that people who use MM are only doing it to "get high". Yes, there is that (but not always, actually). There are forms of MM that have less THC (the part of MM that creates the "high" feeling), and some that have none at all. There are some pretty recent studies looking at the cancer-fighting properties of MM. Specifically a component of cannabis called "cannabinoids", that have been shown to possibly stop or slow the progression of breast cancer cells. I wish there were larger scale studies looking more into this. I also think that there should be better regulation on MM. More specifics as to proper dosage, types, more stringent screenings prior to being able to give someone their MM "card". It's pretty easy to get here in Michigan, and I don't think it should be. I think the people that are scamming an ailment just to get high, make a bad name for something that could be really helpful for some people.

Accupuncture, Reiki, Massage, Yoga, Meditation, etc....things I will explore later. I need to get off of this computer and get some things done! :)

A new year!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope it is happy and healthy for all of you!!
I haven't blogged in a while for a number of reasons. I was in a bit of a funk for a few weeks because I had been going back and forth with the hospital to try and get an ASAP surgery date scheduled for my bilateral mastectomy. In mid December, they told me that they had January 30th as a tentative date for the surgery. To which, I told them NO. I got so upset by the whole ordeal that I turned over the reigns to my hubby to deal with all of the phone calls from the hospital. There was A LOT of playing phone tag, as this was the holiday season after all, and it seemed as if EVERYONE was on vacation! Looks like I picked the wrong time of the year to get cancer! I was getting so stressed out, that I knew I was going to have a breakdown if I continued to try and do it alone. My poor hubby though. When he was telling me that January 30th was the only date that they could fit me in, I simply said, "you tell them NO, I do not accept that date, they need to keep trying!". Poor guy, was like "ummmm....ok...you just want me to tell them that you said "no."? Me: yes.
The main reason I was so upset with having to wait until Jan 30th was that, waiting for THAT LONG without getting treatment of any sort (WITH CANCER POSSIBLY SPREADING IN MY BODY) just did not seem acceptable to me. I was diagnosed at the end of November. That would mean 2 months of having CONFIRMED cancer in me, and not being treated. (Who knows how long before that that the cancer had been in me). So when the medical personnel from the hospital would try to reassure me that breast cancer is usually not a quickly spreading cancer, and that waiting another month would be just fine. I reminded them that I HAVE NO IDEA how long this cancer has already been in me, for that matter (possibly a year??) Yeah, yeah...I had the sentinel node biopsy and had to wait until the results came back from that before they could schedule my surgery. But STILL. It is really hard to wait patiently and do nothing, knowing I have cancer in me. I have thought on numerous occasions "Someone hand me a flipping scalpel and I'll take care of this mess myself!" (OK, no - not really. But, you catch my drift.)
Another reason that I was desperately trying to get in to have surgery, was that I had scheduled a trip to Disney World for my little girls (the hubby and I were tagging along as well) - it was their surprise Christmas present this year! :) None of us had ever been to Disney before, so this was something that was going to be extra special for all of us. Also, my girls are at the perfect age for Disney. My 8 yr old is just starting to question the "magic", so I think right now is the perfect time to reignite her belief in that magic, before it's gone forever. With the price of Disney, there was a good chance that this may be the one and ONLY time that we will get to go to Disney as well. I was planning on surprising my girls on Christmas morning with the news. This was their BIG Christmas gift. Back at the beginning of December I had told the docs that I had this trip planned and they reassured me that it should be fine, and I should be able to get the surgery done and over with (and time to heal) before the trip (which was scheduled for Feb 3rd). Well...that did not happen. After pleading my case as much as possible, the surgery was scheduled for Jan. 29th. *sigh*

Here's the video I took of my girls getting their surprise gift:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151211246058940&set=vb.741708939&type=3

So, just after the new year I had to officially cancel my Disney trip. I was heartbroken. I didn't have the heart to tell my girls that now, because of my surgery date, and who knows what treatment I was in for after the surgery (chemo or whatever), I had NO IDEA when we would be able to go. Many people said "that's OK, you can just go after you have healed from the surgery". Well...no. I did not want to wait until after I healed from the surgery. When you find out that you have cancer - putting off something (that was so important to me) was not an option. You. just. never. know. I am not going to go into that dark place where I start to talk about the possibility of not being around next year. Just know, that this is something that NEVER leaves my mind now. Not for a minute do I NOT think about my own mortality. I live most of my day trying not to FOCUS on that fact, but it is always there. I just choose not to concentrate on those things. There's the proverbial "hey, anyone could die tomorrow - you could walk out that door right now and get hit by a bus or something!" (OK, maybe that wasn't a real proverb - but whatever). Basically, don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today.

I decided I was going to try my hardest and see if I might be able to get a last minute trip to Disney before my surgery at the end of January. I scrambled, checked the prices online and they were crazy expensive! I had originally used a special that they were running a few months ago, and had a good discount. That discount expired Dec. 31st. Damn it! I called Disney, pleaded my case. They told me that there was nothing that they could do for me. :( I pleaded some more, then asked to talk to a manager. They put me on hold for a LONG time, finally came back and said that they would give me the same special that I had prior, but with all of the fees to "rebook" my flight, etc. I was still going to be paying over a thousand $ more than I was originally paying (which was a awful lot to begin with!). Whatever. I was not going to let that get in my way to do this trip for my girls. I would figure out how to pay for it later. So, then I discover that my credit card had EXPIRED. I called the credit card company for them to rush me out a new one (I guess they had sent me one a month ago, but I never got it.) I didn't sleep well that night. I woke up early the next morning and called the credit card company back and pleaded with them to reactivate my card temporarily - and they did!
I booked the Disney trip! I may not be able to get them into the special character dinner (at Cinderella's Royal Table) that I had planned on the previous trip,or some of the other "extras", but it will still be wonderful. I plan to surprise my girls (ONCE AGAIN) the morning of the trip, they will think that they are getting up for school, and I will tell them we are going to Disney instead! I am excited to be able to surprise them yet again. :)
A couple friends saw the issues that I was having with scheduling the Disney trip, and realize that I will probably be having some whopping bills coming my way in the near future, etc. My Bestie is spearheading a fundraiser/Zumba benefit for me to offset some of my costs. Isn't she the BEST?!? Here is a link to the Facebook page that Joanie set up for the "benefit", in case you want to check it out: https://www.facebook.com/events/327777957338125/?fref=ts
This is scoop according to Joanie:

OK WE HAVE A DATE AND TIME!! Sunday Feb. 24th doors open at 5 (Silent Auction 50/50), at 5:30 there will be 90 min ZUMBA Class with Guest Z-Instructors that I wanna be like when I grow up ;) !! and ME TOO!! Thank You Kim McCalla Ladd and @BRIGHTON COMMUNITY EDUCATION!! They are donating the facility, This is a ZUMBA try-it class/benefit. COST: $10 if tix are bought ahead (link to come) or $12 at the door. SOOOO GEEEEEKED!!!!!

My friend Becky (the one that came over my house after I had been newly diagnosed and spoke with me, my hubby and Dad), is also getting together a silent auction for the Zumba benefit as well. How awesome are my friends? Right?? This is a separate page for the silent auction stuff (my friends are crazy organized!) :) https://www.facebook.com/events/327777957338125/?fref=ts#!/events/392560474166751/?suggestsessionid=7417089391357591865

I totally don't feel worthy of a "benefit". It still feels like this is happening to someone else. I have been to quite a few benefits myself, some for people that I didn't even know. So I know how great that feeling is, when you "give" to someone for a good cause. It feels so strange to me to be the recipient of something so wonderful. I know that my friends NEED to do this for me (When you are feeling so helpless, you want to DO something to help in some way - and this is one way), so I am certainly not going to try to take that away from them. I am honored to have people to care so much about me. It makes me feel grateful for what I have. I know that there are women going through this that are all alone. They may not have the awesome friends or support network that I have, they may not have a supportive husband. I wish there was a way that I could help them too... Maybe some day I will.