I haven't blogged in a while for a number of reasons. I was in a bit of a funk for a few weeks because I had been going back and forth with the hospital to try and get an ASAP surgery date scheduled for my bilateral mastectomy. In mid December, they told me that they had January 30th as a tentative date for the surgery. To which, I told them NO. I got so upset by the whole ordeal that I turned over the reigns to my hubby to deal with all of the phone calls from the hospital. There was A LOT of playing phone tag, as this was the holiday season after all, and it seemed as if EVERYONE was on vacation! Looks like I picked the wrong time of the year to get cancer! I was getting so stressed out, that I knew I was going to have a breakdown if I continued to try and do it alone. My poor hubby though. When he was telling me that January 30th was the only date that they could fit me in, I simply said, "you tell them NO, I do not accept that date, they need to keep trying!". Poor guy, was like "ummmm....ok...you just want me to tell them that you said "no."? Me: yes.
The main reason I was so upset with having to wait until Jan 30th was that, waiting for THAT LONG without getting treatment of any sort (WITH CANCER POSSIBLY SPREADING IN MY BODY) just did not seem acceptable to me. I was diagnosed at the end of November. That would mean 2 months of having CONFIRMED cancer in me, and not being treated. (Who knows how long before that that the cancer had been in me). So when the medical personnel from the hospital would try to reassure me that breast cancer is usually not a quickly spreading cancer, and that waiting another month would be just fine. I reminded them that I HAVE NO IDEA how long this cancer has already been in me, for that matter (possibly a year??) Yeah, yeah...I had the sentinel node biopsy and had to wait until the results came back from that before they could schedule my surgery. But STILL. It is really hard to wait patiently and do nothing, knowing I have cancer in me. I have thought on numerous occasions "Someone hand me a flipping scalpel and I'll take care of this mess myself!" (OK, no - not really. But, you catch my drift.)
Another reason that I was desperately trying to get in to have surgery, was that I had scheduled a trip to Disney World for my little girls (the hubby and I were tagging along as well) - it was their surprise Christmas present this year! :) None of us had ever been to Disney before, so this was something that was going to be extra special for all of us. Also, my girls are at the perfect age for Disney. My 8 yr old is just starting to question the "magic", so I think right now is the perfect time to reignite her belief in that magic, before it's gone forever. With the price of Disney, there was a good chance that this may be the one and ONLY time that we will get to go to Disney as well. I was planning on surprising my girls on Christmas morning with the news. This was their BIG Christmas gift. Back at the beginning of December I had told the docs that I had this trip planned and they reassured me that it should be fine, and I should be able to get the surgery done and over with (and time to heal) before the trip (which was scheduled for Feb 3rd). Well...that did not happen. After pleading my case as much as possible, the surgery was scheduled for Jan. 29th. *sigh*
Here's the video I took of my girls getting their surprise gift:
So, just after the new year I had to officially cancel my Disney trip. I was heartbroken. I didn't have the heart to tell my girls that now, because of my surgery date, and who knows what treatment I was in for after the surgery (chemo or whatever), I had NO IDEA when we would be able to go. Many people said "that's OK, you can just go after you have healed from the surgery". Well...no. I did not want to wait until after I healed from the surgery. When you find out that you have cancer - putting off something (that was so important to me) was not an option. You. just. never. know. I am not going to go into that dark place where I start to talk about the possibility of not being around next year. Just know, that this is something that NEVER leaves my mind now. Not for a minute do I NOT think about my own mortality. I live most of my day trying not to FOCUS on that fact, but it is always there. I just choose not to concentrate on those things. There's the proverbial "hey, anyone could die tomorrow - you could walk out that door right now and get hit by a bus or something!" (OK, maybe that wasn't a real proverb - but whatever). Basically, don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today.
I decided I was going to try my hardest and see if I might be able to get a last minute trip to Disney before my surgery at the end of January. I scrambled, checked the prices online and they were crazy expensive! I had originally used a special that they were running a few months ago, and had a good discount. That discount expired Dec. 31st. Damn it! I called Disney, pleaded my case. They told me that there was nothing that they could do for me. :( I pleaded some more, then asked to talk to a manager. They put me on hold for a LONG time, finally came back and said that they would give me the same special that I had prior, but with all of the fees to "rebook" my flight, etc. I was still going to be paying over a thousand $ more than I was originally paying (which was a awful lot to begin with!). Whatever. I was not going to let that get in my way to do this trip for my girls. I would figure out how to pay for it later. So, then I discover that my credit card had EXPIRED. I called the credit card company for them to rush me out a new one (I guess they had sent me one a month ago, but I never got it.) I didn't sleep well that night. I woke up early the next morning and called the credit card company back and pleaded with them to reactivate my card temporarily - and they did!
I booked the Disney trip! I may not be able to get them into the special character dinner (at Cinderella's Royal Table) that I had planned on the previous trip,or some of the other "extras", but it will still be wonderful. I plan to surprise my girls (ONCE AGAIN) the morning of the trip, they will think that they are getting up for school, and I will tell them we are going to Disney instead! I am excited to be able to surprise them yet again. :)
A couple friends saw the issues that I was having with scheduling the Disney trip, and realize that I will probably be having some whopping bills coming my way in the near future, etc. My Bestie is spearheading a fundraiser/Zumba benefit for me to offset some of my costs. Isn't she the BEST?!? Here is a link to the Facebook page that Joanie set up for the "benefit", in case you want to check it out: https://www.facebook.com/events/327777957338125/?fref=ts
This is scoop according to Joanie:
I totally don't feel worthy of a "benefit". It still feels like this is happening to someone else. I have been to quite a few benefits myself, some for people that I didn't even know. So I know how great that feeling is, when you "give" to someone for a good cause. It feels so strange to me to be the recipient of something so wonderful. I know that my friends NEED to do this for me (When you are feeling so helpless, you want to DO something to help in some way - and this is one way), so I am certainly not going to try to take that away from them. I am honored to have people to care so much about me. It makes me feel grateful for what I have. I know that there are women going through this that are all alone. They may not have the awesome friends or support network that I have, they may not have a supportive husband. I wish there was a way that I could help them too... Maybe some day I will.
Well to feel better, buy a raffle ticket! Lol! Know you are loved and cared about and people are more than willing to help out you and your family, this is all part of being a community. God Bless, have a wonderful trip :)
ReplyDelete