Healing...

It has been about a week and a half since my surgery, and I thought I would check in with you all. I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon a couple days ago, and that seemed to go well. A tech took my steri-strips off, which is a good thing - but it also made it harder to deny my new reality...frankenboobs. I have stitches that span about 6 inches across, on both sides of my chest (with about a 4 inch gap in between). When I look at it, it kind of resembles oversized sleeping eyelids (the stitches being the eyelashes), I choose to see them as peaceful, sleeping, frankenboobs.
I appear to be healing pretty nicely, although I still have that "deformed" thing going due to the way the expanders are lying, and how they are filled. I let the physician assistant to my plastic surgeon know about my concerns, and she didn't seem worried about it. She said it may be do to a "contracture" of the expander, but she didn't think it would be a lasting effect. We won't know until they start the "filling" process.
People have been asking me how I am doing. Honestly - pretty sucky. Hurty, and sucky. I was in a great deal of pain when I first arrived home. It has progressively gotten better, but I am still in a good deal of pain. I have to take pain meds pretty much around the clock. The pain meds have 2 unfortunate side effects and I'm not gonna sugar coat it - constipation, and nausea. Yesterday I vomited about a 1/2 hour after I took the pain meds, as I didn't take the anti-nausea med along with it. Whoops. Vomiting is not fun on a regular day, let alone when you are stitched together and have these strange foreign objects inside your chest wall, pushing against your muscles (and nerves!). I feel bruised all over from these darned things. Bottom line - the expanders hurt. The mastectomy part of it, I would say is not too painful actually (I mean, there is some pain from that, but that is just that tender "boo boo" feeling, like when you have a bad cut). The expanders are the real BITCH of the whole process. They are HARD. Not like what you would think an implant would feel like. This feels like having some kind of semi-inflated miniature Frisbees inside my chest wall. I mean, the whole point of these things are to stretch out my skin, so that I can eventually get the implant, so I get why they have to be firm. But, yowzas - they are uncomfortable. I have heard from another blog, (and I may have mentioned this previously...give me some slack, I am on pain meds!) that when they get filled more, they feel like cannon balls (not at all like breasts, or implants for that matter).
So, here's the gig. Since, I am sure that some of you who are reading this, are confused/curious as to how this whole thing works (and many are afraid to ask...by the way, ask! I don't mind, really).
When I had the double mastectomy, they removed both of my breasts, the entire breasts, leaving nothing behind. Yes, that means the nipple is gone too - forever (a moment of silence for my nipples please.......). Some plastic surgery places do skin-sparing or nipple-sparing surgeries, but that was not the case with me. I was not even given either of those options. So, when they took the breasts, they could have just sewn the 2 sides of skin, etc, together and I would have been left with flat skin over the muscle and chest wall. I chose to have skin expanders put in place at the time of the mastectomy. This would not have been an option for me if radiation was needed. Luckily, it was not - so I could kind of do a 2 for 1 surgery (instead of having an additional surgery down the line to get the expanders in place). I also have 2 drains present, coming from under both of my arms (one on each side - sometimes people need 2 on each side). The drains, are uncomfortable - they tug, and are an over all pain in the ass. The tubes need to be "stripped" (sounds much sexier than it really is ;), and need to be emptied a couple to a few times a day. Hopefully these buggers will be able to come out within the next few days. I am hoping for Monday! After the drains come out, and I am healed more (a couple weeks after the drains come out), I will start the "filling" portion of this process. The expanders themselves have a port located near the top, and they will get filled about once a week with a syringe, a little at a time each week, depending on how much my skin (and my pain level) can tolerate. The scheduling of the "filling", also depends on my schedule for my chemo as well (if I will be getting chemo - and THAT will be determined Monday). The doc said that a lot of people state (before the procedure, that they would like to be a "C" cup, but once the filling process starts, and they get to a "B" - many folks call "UNCLE", and stop there. The filling process is pretty uncomfortable (so I am told). I'm sure I will fill you in (how "punny" of me!), on how that goes down the line. Once I am "filled" to the size that I want, then they schedule the surgery to replace the expanders with implants. They will be silicone shells, and most-likely saline filled (although I will be given the option of silicone filled as well - but that stuff scares me). I'll make that decision when the time comes (and once I get educated a bit more about the 2 options). I am guessing that the implant insertion surgery would be approx. 4-6 months from now. Once healed from that surgery, then I can decide whether I want nipples or not. Some women decide, that they don't care to go through YET ANOTHER procedure, and forgo having nipples all together. If I DO decide that I want nipples, they might cinch the skin at the time of the implant surgery (I'll have to clarify this with the doc). They sort of pinch the skin together, and sew it to make what resembles a nipple. Then, I would need to go and get a nipple tattoo in order to actually draw the nipple on (color it in, etc.). I would get to chose the color/shape! Isn't that funny? Sky's the limit here folks! LOL. Some women chose to get other things tattooed instead of a nipple (like a flower, a pink ribbon, etc.) That might be cool. I have seen some really pretty post-mastectomy tattoos, actually (to cover the scar from surgery). Who knows, maybe that's what I'll do...
I realize that by the end of this post, I am totally desensitized to saying the word "nipples". Go ahead, and say it - it's kind of freeing...