A grim day...

Yesterday (Friday 12/14/12), I was awaiting the results of my lymph node dissection. I was hoping for a call from the doc, but it didn't happen. I ended up finding out the results on my own later that day (the "perks" of working for the hospital), but it didn't help me in figuring out what my treatment options were going to be (or even if I had any options at all). The results said...(drum roll please)... "lymph node with isolated tumor cells". Yep. That's what it said. Upsetting, to say the least. I was really hoping that my lymph nodes would be clear. But, obviously that is not the case. Damn...can this girl catch a break already?!? (picture me standing on my front porch, yelling this out to the universe)...that's what I felt like doing anyways. But I didn't.
 I was already trying to avoid the bad news of the day that was all over the media (the horrible shootings at the elementary school in CT.) I try to avoid the news on a regular basis. It's hardly ever uplifting news, and I have enough bad news going on in my own life these days. Hearing about the awfulness of the world can be a little overwhelming to me sometimes (on a regular day, prior to this diagnosis). Now, I was trying to avoid anything that wasn't uplifting...good luck doing that, after that terrible tragedy. I don't want to have to explain this to my kids either. Sometimes I don't understand why life has to be so unfair. Normally, I try to see the best of any situation...to see if there is a lesson to be learned somehow. I just don't see a lesson here. I know that an awful lot of people held onto their kids a little tighter yesterday, hugged them a little longer. I know that since I have been given this diagnosis, it does change the way I look at the world a bit. Things seem more important to me, I try not to "sweat the small stuff" as much, and maybe I do hug my kids a little longer (I always felt like I did a pretty good job with that, but - whatever).
Is that what these kinds of tragedies are trying to teach us? To slow down a bit, hug your kids, not sweat the small stuff, appreciate what you have? Maybe awful things happen, so that we are given some perspective on what things are really important? It think it's natural to ask WHY? Maybe we never find out the reasons though...but maybe awful things happen to teach us something about who we are, and who we should be.
To quote my friend Calle: Life sure is "lifey" sometimes.
...and then I put back on my Cha Cha shoes...